Much Ado About Nothing

I suppose I can sit around and wonder what next?  Or I can simply let the chips fall where they may. What I have learned in the last 6 months is that what happens - happens. How you deal with the consequences is what matters. Today Mom broke her leg. I was with her when it happened and I feel badly that I couldn’t prevent it from happening. I couldn’t hold her up and stop the fall. I couldn’t keep her from feeling the pain that she was undoubtedly in. Knowing now what I know now about her injury, the reliving of the sight of the paramedics lifting her on the gurny is especially painful to remember. I was proud of her for enduring the pain at the time but it was clear that I didn’t know to what extent she was suffering. Still. As I watched the ambulence pull away, I couldn’t help but think that this was a blessing in disguise. Mom’s health has been declining quickly. Most of us have felt powerless in helping her.

Tonight I was left home with Jeff’s kids, Matt and Michaela to hold down the fort. Several of Jeff’s kids wondered why Nana just didn’t go to the doctor when all of this started. Good question. So, I explained to them that as you get older, your pride tends to cloud your common sense. To them it was simple. You hurt. You see a doctor. But things get in the way…we get older, usually bigger and we let ourselves go. And then we usually face the inevitable lectures about diet, exercise and following doctor’s orders. Who wants to live like that? Not always fun but again, consequences follow our decisions. And usually we are unaware that what we THINK are our decisions to make have an effect on other people besides ourselves. What drives us to make poor choices anyway? Ignorance? Stupidity? Selfishness? It’s probably a combination of the 3 but leading the pack is pride. Nobody wants to admit to a foolish choice but unfortunately, we make them - ALL the time. That’s why it’s time like this that I am so thankful for the support of family. Foolish choices led me to where I am today - widowed and a single mom. Some of these choices were mine and some were not. But all of them resulted in this new life I am leading. Couldn’t Mom’s choice to ignore her ailments lead to such a severe consequence? I certainly hope not. But it’s a real possibility. I just hope that we put a stop to the pride in time. Sometimes it’s just better to suck it up and deal with what you’ve got going. Because a brief moment of discomfort and inconvenience is way better than a lifetime of regret.